I've been bad :( / Balancing Mama and Baby

So, last night Yuri sent me to bed, but I didn't go straight away. (she had to go to work, so she left anyway) I wrote a blogpost (I forgot to finish/post it, that's why you get two posts today, lucky you!) then I thought I'd go downstairs and check out the computer (we just got it back).

I played Petville.
I read my Facebook.
I paced up and down my corridors.
I made a new family on the Sims 3

And at 4.30am, I hit the hay.

Might seem okay, but the thing is, I usually put Yuri to bed when I get up in the morning (cos my morning is her night; she's 7hrs behind me) and today...I didn't. I woke up at 10.30, stumbled out of bed, checked Skype (she was asleepies) and then felt horribly guilty.

I guess, I feel most horrible cos I didn't try to talk* to her at all the extra 5hrs I was up. Besides the fact that I feel bad for not going to bed when I'm sposedta.

It wasn't intentional, I really wanted to talk to her, but I kept thinking I'd be getting off soon, and it was selfish to disturb her, only to say 'well yeah I'm going now bye'. I really thought I was going to get off soon, so why bug her? x I guess partially I also didn't want Mama to find out I'd stayed up, but mostly it was not wanting to tell her I was staying up then leave straght away.

Anyway, this is where the *big* problem comes in; while I was worrying about Yuri being mad at me for staying up (and then falling asleep), there was an earthquake where Yuri lives. It really scared her and she wanted me badly. She even thought 'bad' things about me (she hated me, didn't want me anymore, etc.) which I just took as normal for a cubby.

I was asleep the whole. Damn. Time. I could have been awake, and comforting her, but I was asleep. Now, because I was feeling a little cubbish (less than usual, I was basically only scared of Mama being mad at me for staying up) I didn't think to myself about waking up in time. Well, I did, but I figured I WOULD wake up in time, and everything would work out. A pretty selfish attitude, to be sure, but okay for a cub.

It's not OKAY for a Mama, though, that's the problem; Mamas need to put their babies first, no matter what. I just wish I could always know who I need to be...if I should be Mama, and therefore never be selfish, or be cubby and be...well...quite selfish sometimes.

Maybe the problem is the word 'selfish'; the things I do are selfish by adult standards....but not by kids'. I'm not sure I'm putting myself across very well; I just feel it's difficult sometimes to be both Mama and baby (not that I don't love both aspects!) because what's 'ok' behaviour for cubby-me, would be HORRIBLE for Mama-me.

Anybody understand me?

Dogroses and puppydog noses,

- Charlie xxo