So last night, I was thinking a lot about humiliation in my ageplay. Mainly, the fact I don't particularly enjoy it.
Firstly, I should admit, I like to 'have accidents'. However, I don't enjoy the humiliation aspect of it; quite the opposite, I have accidents in order to be comforted...I'm really not sure how
Let me put it this way; me and Mama are in town, looking at toys. I've been slowly getting wrigglier and wrigglier as the trip goes on, and Mama repeatedly asks me if I need the toilet, even offering to take me once or twice. But I keep putting it off, until... *trickledribblesploosh*
Now, there are 3 main ways this can be handled:
a) Delibrate Humiliation: Mama scowls, grabbing my paw and marching me into the middle of the store, yelling and calling attention to my piddly clothes while I blush and whine softly, not wanting people to see me this way, and not wanting to exacerbate the situation by crying about it.
b) 'Accidental'* Humiliation: Mama sighs irritatedly, takes my hand and quickly removes me from the store, taking me to the car and back home again, all the while looking very disappointed in me. She tells me how she kept telling me to go and I ignored her, how this really can't go on, as I sniffle-sob and apologize, feeling sad at having had to leave the shops.
c) Comforting: Mama gasps, picking me up (or if I'm too big) hurriedly leading me into a toilet cubicle. As I cry softly, apologizing, Mama soothes me, stripping off my wet clothes, sitting me on the toilet (to make sure I'm done piddling) then cleaning and re-dressing me. She smiles happily, but reminds me kindly that next time I need the toilet, I should ask!
*This was the method my parents used, basically. I'm sure part of it was actual DELIBRATE humiliation, to dissuade me from doing it, but not too much of it. Mostly it was just my own shame I felt. Actually I remember an incident now when I was about 9 or 10; I wet myself when I was down near the beach, but tried to pretend I'd just got water on myself. It didn't work. My parents sighed and tutted angrily, Mum leading me through the crowded diner we were eating outside to the toilets. I remember squeezing my eyes shut, so I wouldn't have to see everyone who could see/smell that I'd wet myself. In other minds, that could be the stuff of erotic fiction ('As I moved through the diner, I felt every eye turn to my rump, clearly soaked with urine...') but for me it was (still is!) mortifying!
Anyway, I would want method c), but I know a LOT of *Bs would rather have b) or even a), which I suppose makes me something of an oddity. In fact, I have fantasies that are variations on common *B fantasies, but all 'comforting' rather than being humiliating, for example, being put back into diapers; whereas most of the time I've seen it this is a 'so, you want to be a baby/you can't keep your undies dry!? diapers!' kinda thing, I have it more as 'I know you don't like it, but you need to wear these now'. I want Mama to understand I'm embarrassed and make me feel better.
I like to make myself weak, but only if the other person is kind and supportive. It's just another extension of my kid-side, I guess; I only allow myself to get REAL cubby when I know I'm 'safe', that is, when I'm with my Mama (and she doesn't have the friskies! :p) or alone, but in a 'comfort' zone. I have genuinely horrified myself sometimes, by cubbing out during a scary time, or not taking enough time to go from cuddlycubby to sexycubby.
I guess this is one way in which me and Yuri are different. She likes humiliation (not always, and we haven't really explored it too much, but she's told me the desire is there).
I just don't understand the appeal of being humiliated, especially as a cub. Surely then, you want Mama's cuddles, not Mama's scorn? Hmm, perhaps some ageplayers who are into the humiliation aspect can explain what's enjoyable about it.
Sorry, I've talked a lot about little (and even forgot to post this! D:) but yeah, it really confuses me why anyone would want humiliation. I'd like to understand it better.
Hugs and tail-tugs,
- Charlie xxo
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