Another panda's making me update this...

So, well done Yoh :P x

Anyway...gonna talk about 'adoption' in the *B community today. Well, specifically on ADISC.

Personally, I don't really like it that much. Not to say I don't think other people should do it, it's just not for me. Being a Mama/having a Mama is really special to me. My Mama needs to love me unconditionally and always have time for me. I won't say 'put me first', because I understand MOST Mamas have to think of themselves firstly...and that's okay, *Bs aren't 'real' children. But I need a Mama to truly and really care about me to earn that title. Fortunately, my Mama has more than earned it! :D ^.^

Most people don't seem to take 'adoption' too seriously. I mean, it really doesn't seem to mean all that much, yanno? Where's the appeal of having a Mummy/Daddy if they're not gonna love you and care about you, not jus' inna passing way, but like you're their li'l cub and they're your parent? I don't understand that, to be honest.

As for me, I don't adopt other cubs, because I could never love them quite as much as my little one. Or maybe I could love them as much, but they'd never get as much attention or affection as they deserved; it would always be 'oh, sorry baby, gotta dash, my other li'lun needs me'.

On top of that, the people who ASK for adoption...are never the people who I'd want to adopt in the first place. Don't get me wrong, most of them are people I like and now consider my friends, but, the proposal is always within the first few days, hours or (on one occassion) minutes of meeting me. Even if I wanted another li'lun, it would take me a loonnng time to wanna adopt anybody new, I'd hafta see how Yuri felt, etc. Asking straight away is a sure way to get a 'no', no matter WHAT.

I'll admit...there have been people I've thought 'yeah, I could adopt this person, it could work...' (bear in mind, this is after weeks an' months of talking and developing a friendship). But even THEN...before I even say anything to Yuri, something will happen to make me go 'no, I couldn't do it'. Jus' somethin' small like Yuri wanting me when they want me, and me saying I had to go tend to Yuri rather than divide my attentions. Stuff like that, makes me realize I don't want another li'lun, or, at least, I couldn't deal with one. Yuri will ALWAYS be my little princess, I think she'll probably be the only baby I'm a Mama to. And, to be quite honest...I'm not sure I hate that idea <3

Diapers an' daffodils,
- Charlie xxo

Chat trouble -.-

So, yesterday Yuri an I were on IRC. Now, we would normally start chatting straight away, but Yuri needed to tidy her room. So I start telling her to clean her room (on IRC) and she'll get a spanking otherwise. Some other people giggled and got involved, one person bribing Yuri with candy (to get her to stay up! bad boy! :p) and others telling her to listen to me.

Now...I'll admit maybe we made the 'rp' a bit too long and exclusive (although I don't really count it as an RP; I really did want her to tidy her room and I WAS gonna punish her if she didn't) but if anyone else had been doing it when I was there, I would either have giggled or not cared.

But somebody (we'll call her Z) decided she simply couldn't stand looking at/reading our conversation, it was that offensive. Apparently she forgot how to not read...or heck, even IGNORE certain pieces of writing... but anyway...

I guess I understand her complaint...kinda...not really, I still think she was wrong, but...I din't wanna cause trouble. I said 'ok, buht I'm not really sure what you're annoyed by, hun?' she replied ': Mama C pooped herself....what makes u think people want to read that?' (or something similar).

Now...usually I would have pointed out that wasn't even part of the 'RP', it was Yuri making a silly comment. It was a joke. It had no bearing on any of the other stuff we said. If Z was so affronted by the things we said, she was presumably reading all of the chat (because otherwise, surely she would have just skipped 'irrelevant' chat like that between me and Yuri). That's weird, because after that comment, some people laughed, I pointed out Yuri was lying and we had a jokey conversation... Then I asked Yuri to go do her chores again (she refused on the grounds she was having fun, so I put her in time out).

That was about when Z butted in. And...Yuri got very upset...IDK...very upset. She overreacted, but I think she was right. I just wish she'd calmed down a little, because she wasn't really helping by getting so angry and being insulting and everything, cos it puts people on the defensive. Proud of her for standing up for herself, of course, but I just feel there was a better way to do it.

Long story short; I now feel VERY angry, when I didn't feel that mad at all before. I am seething with rage...the only problem is I don't know if I'm in the right or how everyone else feels about it...if everyone's saying 'WTF that was insane what Yuri said!' or if they're like 'Z should take a chill-pill' :/ So...I have no idea...

Sighs and shrugs,
- Charlie xxo

All my *B friends

So, I'm guessing A doesn't really like me very much any more...

He usedta call me his 'favourite puppy' and be all snuggly with me. Now he has a new favourite puppy, more or less overnight. Now...I don't mind that so much, it stings a little, but the other puppy is really sweet and kind so I'm glad the two of them are friends. Besides, I get to be other puppy's friend tooo! :D

No...my problem is that yesterday, in chat, A was really down (like, he crawled into a corner (this was typed) and cried and made sad faces) and nobody else asked what was wrong. I did, but was ignored. I PMed him, in case he didn't want to talk about it in public. Like a minute later he logged off. :/

So, I don't know; I don't mind too much, cos I'm always Yuri's favourite puppy! :3 But still a little hurtful.

On a more positive note, I've made other friends; the other day me and 3 other people alll played a game together :D And an old friend from before the comps got taken came back (was so happy to see him again!)

I'll talk more about this tomorrow! (my Mum just came downstairs! O.o)

Kiss kiss hug,

- Charlie xxo

Be a mama more!!

So its about 11:20 at night as I start this post, I figured that I should start to catch up seeing as I'm pretty behind.

So today wasn't a good day the way I wanted it to be. I woke up and called my baby, we talked a bit about her day and what she did. Then being me, I was still sleepy so I fell asleep again. Something I hate doing!!! GRRRR!!! I want to spend time with my baby but damn it, I just can't help it I lay my head down and I just start to fall asleep!!! Darn it I wish I was with her!!! I do I do I do!!!

So I finally get some rest and was able to get up when I saw the time and realized "Oh no I'm going to be late for work!" So I had to quickly get dressed and leave for work leaving my baby alone when she was almost fully regressed! Of course she was sad! My heart just melted. Why?! I always do that. I sleep all day from being tired and then when I get up I have to leave and do something, leaving my baby alone and sad. I hate my self soo much sometimes. The look in my baby's eyes..... ohhh so damn heartbreaking. I know she wants her mama but....but..... I know that I have things to do and responsibilities. Now don't get me wrong my baby understands that but I still feel bad about leaving her like that. I mean she's my baby, she's needs a mama to look after her. *Sigh*

So as the day progressed things got a bit more worse. See about 4 days ago I bought a 14 pack of CVS day and nights. Now I love to put on multiple layers, so I went padded in 3 layers to school/work (i work at my school) today. Now I loved it at first..then I needed to pee. Now I know there not that good so I went to the restroom to pee in them (I know, I know totally defeating the purpose of diapees but hey I was worried I would leak.) So I went in them and they held very well! I loved it, so I finished my last shift in a wet diapee. Now it was fun till it got cold lol! Yeah so I had to deal with it till I got home. Then I had to take them off and throw them away sense I have to go to the doctors but there still time hehe .

My baby and her love!

So today was a good day! I didn't have any school or work at all today! I love my Thursdays when i have nothing to shoot! (photos) So today Mama let me sleep in and have a nice rest. I've been stressed so much with school and work I needed some good rest! So I got myself up like a big Girl and then I called mama and well we spent the whole day together (like we usually do when we have time) So at first she was very sleepy so I tried to get her to go to sleepy but she didn't want to because if she did then she wouldn't get to bed on time at all (her bedtime is 10:30 weekdays, 11:30 friday and saturday) So i let her rest most of the day as I say by and listened and watched her. After a while she woke up and had a nice time being my baby. But there was an issue today. See my parents are split, dad left, but my brother liked to bring my dad over when mom's not here. So today dad came, now don't get me wrong I love my dad, but i can't stand him! As well my mom asked to know if my dad came to call her, so i did. Well end of story my dad ended up leaving and I finally got time to spend with my baby!

So I babied my wittle one! I cuddled her and nuzzzled her and just loved her! She was all giggling and playful! The I sent her to beddy bye and read her a bed time story and let my baby snooze and now im here writing this!

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hello!!!!!!

Hello!!! Hugs to you!! The READER!!!

Well hey everyone this is Yuri! The Panda!! So there is not much that my puppy didn't say regrading us. We are both TB's and yes we are girls... emotionally! I'll more into that in a bit. As my puppy said we met on adisc, a TB/DL/.AB support site. So what can i say there isn't much here to say. I mean im not a writer i'm a photographer. Therefore my apologizes if my post aren't as good as my puppy's post. So Ok this is my fist post i guess i will just mainly introduce myself. So Yeah im a transgender girl so for those who don't know what that means. I am a male who wants to be a female physically, mentality wise I'm a female so i think and act like a female would or may. Now I have been so many different personalities but i have just never been myself until I met my pup. She let me be me and act the way I want to. So rather then being scared on how people would see me I finally decided to be me! I love IT!! My Pup is my baby, mama, and GF and i love her dearly!! I have never had someone that I love so much! I just can't believe how much I have changed and how much I want to change and be me!! I love this feeling! As far as TBness well she babies me alot she reads me bedtime stories when I go to bed, she sings me lullabys, and she even plays peeka boo with me! I love her and i will always!!! Thank you for taking time to read this! We are gonna try and make this interesting for you and tlak about our relationship and maybe help out other in the community with life issues! So if you like what you read and think we may help then let us know *hugs* to you all. And when Puppy (Charlie) post it's in black when I (Panda/Yuri) Post it will be in purple. Love ya all!!

I mades a friend! :3

Hehehe, Imma call him A for now, but he's a sweet little kittycat and I really like him! He let me cubsit him hehe.

I told Mama about him, and she wanted to make sure he was okay to hang out with, not a bad person liek the other people I usedta talk to. Well she liked him, but today when we were chatting on IRC, the kittyboy suddenly logged off (after not talking 4 a while). Now Yuri's a little mad, well, a LOT mad, cos she doesn't like him leaving her puppy.

But *I* think he's a gud kitty, he just logged off because something went wrong...or he doesn't know you're supposedta say 'bye' before goin'. I guess Mama is just overprotective of me, hehehe...

I also met another li'l kittycat who wants to RP with me (with me as a caretaker and her as a lickle kitty) but Mama has yet to meet her, so we'll see how that goes, buht she seems verrry nice.

Snuffles and wuffles,

- Charlie xxo

My Mama is tha' BESTEST!!! :D

Sooo today my Mama was snooozly for most of the day, which made me a lickle sad, but we had a nice huggly nap and when she got up she was all Mummyish and loooovely!

Like uhmmm she changed my diapee* and she din't mind when I told her I had an accident earlier (but she did worry my otha-Mama wud mind!) and then we just cuddled and played and talked a bit. She was a biiiit stricter than usual and she has some weird rules ('don't put toys in your mouth'; pssh, doesn't she know that's how us cubbies find out about stuffs?) but I kinda like when she's stricty cos it makes me feel like she cares about me. Even if the stuff she cares about is dumb :p.

I went to the doctors' too, cos I had a pee-pee infection** and it hurt my cooter LOTS, but now the special medicine I'm taking is making it better...I think!

So, as I said earlier I had kinda an accident earlier (this seems pretty irrelevant but I figure 'eh, it's a TB blog...'). I had this horrible tickly-scratchy-ow feeling at the end of my pee-place, and I wanted to get rid of it, so I wud pee a little...it wud go away for a minute, then come back...so I'd pee more...one time, I peed a whole lot by accident and IDK the other little wettings...it all just added up I guess... So my jeans and knickers were soaked, and are now crumpled up in a heap in the bathroom...we'll see if otha-Mama takes it ok, or even notices...

Oh, hehe, one of Mama Y's other rules is 'don't eat food that's fallen on the floor' (she made me throw my lollipop away!) buuut...I ate a sausage I dropped earlier...shhh!

Hugggllleees! And a nuzzle-kiss!

- Charlie xxo

*all 'babyin' is online, sadly, but I can imagine it REAL GOOD
**yh it's about my pee but it's a TB blog soo...IDK, if Mama wants me to take that bit down, it'll go...

My princess is soooo wonderful!

Okay so, I've been really, REALLY enjoying babying Yuri lately, we've had lotsa fun together.

She was soooo adorable this morning, hiding under her covers and playing 'Peeka' with me, hehe... I wish I could have spent more time with her, but I did really like the time we spent together...made me allll warm and fuzzy!

She's wearing the undies I got her, w/a pad, but she really wishes she could afford some diapers after the earthquake scared her soooo bad yesterday. It's time like this I wish more than ever she could be here, just safe in my arms, padded and cuddly and away from nasty things like earthquakes. *sigh* I just want my little girl here with me, is that too much to ask?

I digress...I mainly wanted to mention something which happened today to show me how much knowing Yuri has changed me (for the better!)

Before I knew Yuri...I was involved in some very bad things online. On here, I'll probably just refer to that as my 'dark past', but it involved me talking to some bad people about very bad things, and recently my DP has come back to bite me in the rump. I may talk about it more in detail one day here, but for now, just know I don't involve myself with that anymore, and it's mainly (okay, probably TOTALLY) down to Yuri...

Now, earlier today, I was going to send a message to somebody online. They were much older than me, and after I thought about it for a while, I decided it might be dangerous to message them (because a) they may hurt me and b) I don't want to fall down that slippery slope of 'bad' messaging again) and so I didn't. This is really big, because in the past, I would have just sent the message without worrying about myself.

Now I have Yuri, I don't feel the need to validate myself with messages from random people online...I feel like a goooood puppy, who doesn't need to do anything to please her Mama other than be herself! And that, TBH, feels really special to me!

Boogaloo,

- Charlie xxo

I've been bad :( / Balancing Mama and Baby

So, last night Yuri sent me to bed, but I didn't go straight away. (she had to go to work, so she left anyway) I wrote a blogpost (I forgot to finish/post it, that's why you get two posts today, lucky you!) then I thought I'd go downstairs and check out the computer (we just got it back).

I played Petville.
I read my Facebook.
I paced up and down my corridors.
I made a new family on the Sims 3

And at 4.30am, I hit the hay.

Might seem okay, but the thing is, I usually put Yuri to bed when I get up in the morning (cos my morning is her night; she's 7hrs behind me) and today...I didn't. I woke up at 10.30, stumbled out of bed, checked Skype (she was asleepies) and then felt horribly guilty.

I guess, I feel most horrible cos I didn't try to talk* to her at all the extra 5hrs I was up. Besides the fact that I feel bad for not going to bed when I'm sposedta.

It wasn't intentional, I really wanted to talk to her, but I kept thinking I'd be getting off soon, and it was selfish to disturb her, only to say 'well yeah I'm going now bye'. I really thought I was going to get off soon, so why bug her? x I guess partially I also didn't want Mama to find out I'd stayed up, but mostly it was not wanting to tell her I was staying up then leave straght away.

Anyway, this is where the *big* problem comes in; while I was worrying about Yuri being mad at me for staying up (and then falling asleep), there was an earthquake where Yuri lives. It really scared her and she wanted me badly. She even thought 'bad' things about me (she hated me, didn't want me anymore, etc.) which I just took as normal for a cubby.

I was asleep the whole. Damn. Time. I could have been awake, and comforting her, but I was asleep. Now, because I was feeling a little cubbish (less than usual, I was basically only scared of Mama being mad at me for staying up) I didn't think to myself about waking up in time. Well, I did, but I figured I WOULD wake up in time, and everything would work out. A pretty selfish attitude, to be sure, but okay for a cub.

It's not OKAY for a Mama, though, that's the problem; Mamas need to put their babies first, no matter what. I just wish I could always know who I need to be...if I should be Mama, and therefore never be selfish, or be cubby and be...well...quite selfish sometimes.

Maybe the problem is the word 'selfish'; the things I do are selfish by adult standards....but not by kids'. I'm not sure I'm putting myself across very well; I just feel it's difficult sometimes to be both Mama and baby (not that I don't love both aspects!) because what's 'ok' behaviour for cubby-me, would be HORRIBLE for Mama-me.

Anybody understand me?

Dogroses and puppydog noses,

- Charlie xxo

Nothing I can put here won't sound pervy...

So last night, I was thinking a lot about humiliation in my ageplay. Mainly, the fact I don't particularly enjoy it.

Firstly, I should admit, I like to 'have accidents'. However, I don't enjoy the humiliation aspect of it; quite the opposite, I have accidents in order to be comforted...I'm really not sure how

Let me put it this way; me and Mama are in town, looking at toys. I've been slowly getting wrigglier and wrigglier as the trip goes on, and Mama repeatedly asks me if I need the toilet, even offering to take me once or twice. But I keep putting it off, until... *trickledribblesploosh*

Now, there are 3 main ways this can be handled:

a) Delibrate Humiliation: Mama scowls, grabbing my paw and marching me into the middle of the store, yelling and calling attention to my piddly clothes while I blush and whine softly, not wanting people to see me this way, and not wanting to exacerbate the situation by crying about it.

b) 'Accidental'* Humiliation: Mama sighs irritatedly, takes my hand and quickly removes me from the store, taking me to the car and back home again, all the while looking very disappointed in me. She tells me how she kept telling me to go and I ignored her, how this really can't go on, as I sniffle-sob and apologize, feeling sad at having had to leave the shops.

c) Comforting: Mama gasps, picking me up (or if I'm too big) hurriedly leading me into a toilet cubicle. As I cry softly, apologizing, Mama soothes me, stripping off my wet clothes, sitting me on the toilet (to make sure I'm done piddling) then cleaning and re-dressing me. She smiles happily, but reminds me kindly that next time I need the toilet, I should ask!


*This was the method my parents used, basically. I'm sure part of it was actual DELIBRATE humiliation, to dissuade me from doing it, but not too much of it. Mostly it was just my own shame I felt. Actually I remember an incident now when I was about 9 or 10; I wet myself when I was down near the beach, but tried to pretend I'd just got water on myself. It didn't work. My parents sighed and tutted angrily, Mum leading me through the crowded diner we were eating outside to the toilets. I remember squeezing my eyes shut, so I wouldn't have to see everyone who could see/smell that I'd wet myself. In other minds, that could be the stuff of erotic fiction ('As I moved through the diner, I felt every eye turn to my rump, clearly soaked with urine...') but for me it was (still is!) mortifying!

Anyway, I would want method c), but I know a LOT of *Bs would rather have b) or even a), which I suppose makes me something of an oddity. In fact, I have fantasies that are variations on common *B fantasies, but all 'comforting' rather than being humiliating, for example, being put back into diapers; whereas most of the time I've seen it this is a 'so, you want to be a baby/you can't keep your undies dry!? diapers!' kinda thing, I have it more as 'I know you don't like it, but you need to wear these now'. I want Mama to understand I'm embarrassed and make me feel better.

I like to make myself weak, but only if the other person is kind and supportive. It's just another extension of my kid-side, I guess; I only allow myself to get REAL cubby when I know I'm 'safe', that is, when I'm with my Mama (and she doesn't have the friskies! :p) or alone, but in a 'comfort' zone. I have genuinely horrified myself sometimes, by cubbing out during a scary time, or not taking enough time to go from cuddlycubby to sexycubby.

I guess this is one way in which me and Yuri are different. She likes humiliation (not always, and we haven't really explored it too much, but she's told me the desire is there).

I just don't understand the appeal of being humiliated, especially as a cub. Surely then, you want Mama's cuddles, not Mama's scorn? Hmm, perhaps some ageplayers who are into the humiliation aspect can explain what's enjoyable about it.

Sorry, I've talked a lot about little (and even forgot to post this! D:) but yeah, it really confuses me why anyone would want humiliation. I'd like to understand it better.

Hugs and tail-tugs,

- Charlie xxo

Hi! Hi! Hi! :3

I'm Charlie, a 16-year-old puppygirl (sometimes boy hehe). My girlfriend is Yuri, she's 18 and a pandagirl.

We're both TBs, well, technically I'm more of a 'kid' with babyish tendencies than an actual BABY (my innerkid is anywhere from 6-13, default being 7 for boy-time, 9 for girl-time :3) whereas Yuri is def. a baby usually!

We met on ADISC.org; she was really supportive and AMAZING when I was telling my Mum about being TB and she flipped out. From there we moved to Facebook and Yuri asked me (rather shyly, silly little girl!) if we could be eachother's Mamas. I agreed, of course, though I was a bit unsure of how to do it.

After a while, she confessed she liiiked me (well, I hadta wrestle it out of her :p she kept saying she 'liked someone' and dropping hints) and I confirmed I liked her too but wasn't ready to be in a relationship yet. She was sooo understanding! :3

Anyway...a while later, I realized I loved her, we started 'kinda' dating, then actually dating and now I'm proud to call her my girlfriend. :3

I guess the main obstacle we have is that we're so far apart; Yuri lives in the USA and I live in the UK. We talk everyday on Skype and all, but it's still hurtful not to be able to rock my little girl to sleep at night, or get a cuddle from Mummy...

The good part is, she's moving here in a couple of years, for good! :D x

Now, my little girl is being ruuude so I needta go take care of her...

- Huggles and kisses,

Charlie xxo